Black Day Of Brussels Since WWII

Hi everyone.

I just read the national news this morning and there were bombings in the area where I live. The whole country is in chaos. First of all, I'm safe and I was lucky enough to have read the news and messages before leaving the house.

I was preparing myself before leaving the house because I had to give a presentation today, but it was canceled. (for the third time since the month of october)

I got worried about my mother, brother and sister after reading the news. I called my mother multiple times and I finally got to know that my mother was safe. Then I've texted my brother and sister to be careful when they're going back home after school because I know they couldn't text me back. Then I called them just to know if they were also safe. (And they were safe)
I've cried while hoping for their safety before that.

My condolences to those who lost their loved ones...

Absent

Hi everyone! ( ^_^ )

First of all, I have to apologize because I'll be absent for some time. The reason is that I have to focus more on my report for my internship.

I really appreciate your patience.

I'll look forward to serve you more next time! ;-)

  

Affecting Words - Healing (Update)

Hi there! ( ^_^ )

In this chapter I'm going to talk about the words that are still affecting me. (even though I grew out of my trauma)


It's not like I get flashbacks from the past (maybe I still do), but those words just give me a disgusting feeling/vibe. 


- grope

- rape

- caress

- glaring

- sex

- ... etc.


(All kinds of words that are related to the sexual assault/activities and pedophilia) - You can just say that these words are kind of a taboo to me, but they are also not at the same time... If you know what I mean. I can still talk about them normally, but I'll have bad feelings after that.


2 years ago, I couldn't even say those words out loud. I always broke down or got angry just by thinking about it. But I've learned to deal with it, after talking about it with my close ones. I always cried when I was talking about it in the past, but this time's different. I didn't cry just by thinking/talking/reading about it, but the anger didn't disappear.


The most important thing that you have to know from my experience is that you have to learn how to deal with your trauma. I've learned to process and deal with it by talking about it with someone or writing it down in my journal. You have to become more aware of your thoughts and your feelings, and learn to accept them as they are. 


First, take a moment for yourself when you're having negative feelings or thoughts. Then, try to describe how you're feeling or what you're thinking - without judging yourself. Just describe them. You can also ask someone to listen to you or write them down if it doesn't work. Being aware of your feelings and thoughts is really important in order to feel less (di)stressed. Being aware is not enough. You also have to accept them as they are. If you strain yourself from accepting your feelings or thoughts, then you're going to feel even more suffocated. 


For example: Your body and mind are like a room (if we try to visualise it). And in that room, you're trying to suppress those feelings and thoughts in it. (the room gets smaller) - That's what most people do and they suffer after that just because they've suppressed their feelings/thoughts or both. 


The healing process can only proceed if you've learned to accept them as they are.


Good Luck! ( ^_^ ) 

Progress

Hi there! ^_^

Today, I'm going to talk about my progress during my mother's birhtday yesterday.
We went to have dinner at a Chinese restaurant for her birthday and I really looked forward to it. She just announced in the morning that we are going to have dinner at a restaurant. But then I've heard that my mother's going to invite my father, too. I got devastated after that statement and I didn't want to go anymore. But I still took all my courage to go anyway. But then I only thought to myself that I'm just doing this because it's my mother's birthday and I'll make sure that I won't make her sad.

I was really tense and angry before meeting my father again, but the anger disappeared when he arrived. Even my sister tried to comfort me before I met him. I could exchange a few words with my father and it ends there, just to make sure we won't have a fight.

I could talk to him normally, but I won't trust him anymore... ( ^_^')

@Sông-Sông D.

Afraid of Receiving & Falling in Love - Hate

In this chapter, I'm going to talk about one of my fears: Afraid of Falling in Love

I think you know where I got that fear from...

I'm unable to, or more likely, afraid to fall in love with the opposite gender after all the things that I've gone through in my childhood. I can befriend the opposite gender, but I'm too afraid to have a more intimate relationship with them... My male friends did earn some of my trust, but it stops at that degree. I can talk normally to them, but the chances are high that I'd refuse if they asked me to go out with them (even as a friend).

Love is a beautiful existence in this world. Everyone is born with it, but their heart can change depending on how they perceive their environment and experiences. With other words, it's not because of their experience that they've become cold, cruel, ... etc. But because of how they gave the signification to their experience(s).

Like me for example, I've grown to hate my father because of how I've perceived those experiences. I'm the opposite of my mother. My mother is a forgiving person and is still maintaining a quite stable relationship with my father (as friends/acquaintances). And I on the other hand, I consider him as my enemy.

I've noticed (a long time ago) that hating and keeping those negative feelings inside of me-is taking a toll on me. I can't love openly and truthfully if I still haven't gotten rid of it. Right now, I can only give love to those who deserve it. But that doesn't even mean that it's true love. (well, according to me) But that doesn't even also mean that I'm being a hypocrite. Being a hypocrite means that you pretend to love someone, but in reality - you don't give a f* about that person. Hypocrites also like to manipulate other people in order to achieve their goal or destroy other people. They can achieve their goal by giving fake love, but it only works temporary. They can't manipulate anymore when their tricks are revealed.

I'm a person who shows only love to the people I care about and hostility (and obviously) to those I consider a thread. But I want to change that. I want to show more respect to those I'm considering as a thread, but I'm not obliged to love them either. Showing respect to my enemies doesn't mean that I'm a hypocrite. If I don't do anything bad behind their back (like spreading rumors or destroying them), then it's not hypocricity. We also ask for peace by showing respect to them. Everyone has their pride and I don't want to lose my pride by hating and destroying my enemies.

We have to spread love and respect in order to make a better world. Every true leader is taking action everyday in order to make this world a better place for the next generation.