Afraid of Receiving & Falling in Love - Hate

In this chapter, I'm going to talk about one of my fears: Afraid of Falling in Love

I think you know where I got that fear from...

I'm unable to, or more likely, afraid to fall in love with the opposite gender after all the things that I've gone through in my childhood. I can befriend the opposite gender, but I'm too afraid to have a more intimate relationship with them... My male friends did earn some of my trust, but it stops at that degree. I can talk normally to them, but the chances are high that I'd refuse if they asked me to go out with them (even as a friend).

Love is a beautiful existence in this world. Everyone is born with it, but their heart can change depending on how they perceive their environment and experiences. With other words, it's not because of their experience that they've become cold, cruel, ... etc. But because of how they gave the signification to their experience(s).

Like me for example, I've grown to hate my father because of how I've perceived those experiences. I'm the opposite of my mother. My mother is a forgiving person and is still maintaining a quite stable relationship with my father (as friends/acquaintances). And I on the other hand, I consider him as my enemy.

I've noticed (a long time ago) that hating and keeping those negative feelings inside of me-is taking a toll on me. I can't love openly and truthfully if I still haven't gotten rid of it. Right now, I can only give love to those who deserve it. But that doesn't even mean that it's true love. (well, according to me) But that doesn't even also mean that I'm being a hypocrite. Being a hypocrite means that you pretend to love someone, but in reality - you don't give a f* about that person. Hypocrites also like to manipulate other people in order to achieve their goal or destroy other people. They can achieve their goal by giving fake love, but it only works temporary. They can't manipulate anymore when their tricks are revealed.

I'm a person who shows only love to the people I care about and hostility (and obviously) to those I consider a thread. But I want to change that. I want to show more respect to those I'm considering as a thread, but I'm not obliged to love them either. Showing respect to my enemies doesn't mean that I'm a hypocrite. If I don't do anything bad behind their back (like spreading rumors or destroying them), then it's not hypocricity. We also ask for peace by showing respect to them. Everyone has their pride and I don't want to lose my pride by hating and destroying my enemies.

We have to spread love and respect in order to make a better world. Every true leader is taking action everyday in order to make this world a better place for the next generation.