Hi there! ^_^ How are you doing?
Today, I'm going to talk about what I've learned about my self-expression that has been blocked, thanks to J.J. With other words, my speech has been blocked because of one thing that could damage my health - and that thing was: Shutting out some people of my life instead of confronting them.
I've been mad on some people for years and I've ignored them since then. But I felt really suffocated after that because I couldn't express my anger and frustration back then. I remember my mother saying (not so long ago) that I have to confront them and talk to them about the matter(s) that hasn't/haven't been resolved in order to make me feel less stressed and more freely.
I'm thinking about contacting those people after I've cleared up my mind. But I'm still not ready for this right now because I still couldn't throw away my anger.
If you're also feeling that way... Then try to do the same. You'll not be alone when you're doing it. ;-)
Good luck! :-)
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2016 is approaching right now and I'll be turning 19 on that very first day of the year.
When a new year begins, that's when the new challenges begin! ( ^_^) - Find your inner self by exploring the world!
Thursday 31 December 2015
Friday 25 December 2015
Year Reflection - Growing Stronger
First of all... Merry Christmas everyone! ( *∧* ) — 2015 is going to end very soon.
I've learned many things this year and I'm really happy about it! I've no regrets. ( ^_^ )
I've learned to talk about my worries.
I've learned to share with other people.
I've learned to rely on someone.
I've learned to trust someone.
And I've learned to never give up on my dreams.
But what I still want to change about me is, to learn to let things go and move on. (e.g. my hate towards some people)
Every time, day, month and year are precious to us. The times we've spent with our loved ones are also precious to us. — Cherish them
If you feel suffocated (not litteraly), then it's possible that you want to grow up and change things about yourself. Like for example: We're all lobsters, crabs, ... (shellfish). We feel more suffocated or cramped in our old shell as we grow up. If you feel that way, then you have to throw away your old shell. But you may also know that we're going to feel more exposed and vulnerable when our shell is thrown away. That's when we're outside of our comfort-zone. If you want to grow up, then you have to go out of your comfort-zone. If you have troubles, rely on someone. The chance of failing is higher when you're doing everything on your own. If you have comrades, cherish and rely on them. And if you don't, then your first challenge is to show yourself to the others. Don't be afraid to be noticed. ;-)
If we want to be acknowledged by someone, then we have to work really hard for it. Don't say it, but DO it. Show it with your actions. You won't achieve anything by just saying it.
Good luck!
I've learned many things this year and I'm really happy about it! I've no regrets. ( ^_^ )
I've learned to talk about my worries.
I've learned to share with other people.
I've learned to rely on someone.
I've learned to trust someone.
And I've learned to never give up on my dreams.
But what I still want to change about me is, to learn to let things go and move on. (e.g. my hate towards some people)
Every time, day, month and year are precious to us. The times we've spent with our loved ones are also precious to us. — Cherish them
If you feel suffocated (not litteraly), then it's possible that you want to grow up and change things about yourself. Like for example: We're all lobsters, crabs, ... (shellfish). We feel more suffocated or cramped in our old shell as we grow up. If you feel that way, then you have to throw away your old shell. But you may also know that we're going to feel more exposed and vulnerable when our shell is thrown away. That's when we're outside of our comfort-zone. If you want to grow up, then you have to go out of your comfort-zone. If you have troubles, rely on someone. The chance of failing is higher when you're doing everything on your own. If you have comrades, cherish and rely on them. And if you don't, then your first challenge is to show yourself to the others. Don't be afraid to be noticed. ;-)
If we want to be acknowledged by someone, then we have to work really hard for it. Don't say it, but DO it. Show it with your actions. You won't achieve anything by just saying it.
Good luck!
Thursday 10 December 2015
Life - Joy
Everyone got brought on earth for a reason. First of all, I'm not very religious. But each life is precious and it must not be taken very lightly. Many people are commiting suicide each day and the percentage shouldn't be underestimated. The young ones and the new-borns are the next leaves for the next generations.
No matter what happens in your life, you have to keep moving on and spread love to the people who need it. There are many people who don't receive affections from other people, even from their loved ones. I have to be honest that I'm still unable to love and forgive certain persons because my wound was too deep. But I've learned that I won't be able to fully move forward if I don't throw my hatred away. I've been consumed by my hatred for years and I've realized that I'm still living in the past.
I've heard, the other day, from my mother that the invited person was unable to visit us during our birthday party because he didn't feel welcomed at our house. The reason why he couldn't come was that I've obviously projected my hostility towards him. After reflecting on it, I've decided to do my best to show some respect towards that person. All I did until now was ignoring that person even when my mother was present.
Many things will happen in our life and everyone has their own story. We are all individuals and no one is the same. You are you, your mother and father are also a different persons. No one is going to be exactly like someone else. Our true joy of life is when we're satisfied with everything we have and not what we desire/wish to have.
Take care, wish you luck, joy and happiness in life! ( ^_^ )
No matter what happens in your life, you have to keep moving on and spread love to the people who need it. There are many people who don't receive affections from other people, even from their loved ones. I have to be honest that I'm still unable to love and forgive certain persons because my wound was too deep. But I've learned that I won't be able to fully move forward if I don't throw my hatred away. I've been consumed by my hatred for years and I've realized that I'm still living in the past.
I've heard, the other day, from my mother that the invited person was unable to visit us during our birthday party because he didn't feel welcomed at our house. The reason why he couldn't come was that I've obviously projected my hostility towards him. After reflecting on it, I've decided to do my best to show some respect towards that person. All I did until now was ignoring that person even when my mother was present.
Many things will happen in our life and everyone has their own story. We are all individuals and no one is the same. You are you, your mother and father are also a different persons. No one is going to be exactly like someone else. Our true joy of life is when we're satisfied with everything we have and not what we desire/wish to have.
Take care, wish you luck, joy and happiness in life! ( ^_^ )
Wednesday 2 December 2015
Conversation and Communication
Hi there! ^_^ How are you doing right now?
I'm quite busy lately, but that's okay.
My purpose on writing this post is to ask you if you would mind to write something back to me. I would really appreciate that if you do it.
Reason: I also would like to know your own stories, experiences and point of view. But I won't be dissappointed if you don't send me anything. It's all up to you. ;-) But in my opinion, it would be really interesting if we start a conversation with each other.
More importantly, I won't judge your grammar and orthography because I'm not even perfect at English, too. English is not my native language.
Take care! :-) Xxx
I'm quite busy lately, but that's okay.
My purpose on writing this post is to ask you if you would mind to write something back to me. I would really appreciate that if you do it.
Reason: I also would like to know your own stories, experiences and point of view. But I won't be dissappointed if you don't send me anything. It's all up to you. ;-) But in my opinion, it would be really interesting if we start a conversation with each other.
More importantly, I won't judge your grammar and orthography because I'm not even perfect at English, too. English is not my native language.
Take care! :-) Xxx
Communication is 'Key'. Two people can be in the same relationship and yet see it in two different ways. - Unknown
Wednesday 4 November 2015
Words
Some words can give us strength,
Some words can sooth our pain,
Some words can make us laugh,
Some words can make us cry,
And some words can break our heart...
Words can be transmitted in different ways.
You can write them down on a paper, on your blog or in your diary; or you can say it out loud (alone or with someone else).
Some people use their words to hurt other people (intentionally or unintentionally).
Some people use their words to express themselves. (thoughts, fantasies, feelings, ... etc.)
And some people use their words to help or convince other people.
There are times that I've hurt people ((un)intentionally) with my words during an argumentation. And there are times that I've helped myself and other people with my words. That's what makes us human.
Some people can express themselves orally and some people rather express themselves verbally. As you can see, I'm a person who expresses her feelings, thoughts and experiences verbally.
The essential of this chapter is that you have to pay attention to what you say or write when you want to transmit a message to your audience. Your message can appear offensive to some of them or maybe not. But it depends on it... ( ^_^' )
Like for example: I've got offended during a lesson in class because my teacher said something that had hurt me. He said that it was their fault (the girls) of getting assaulted because they wore revealing clothes. But I got assaulted at the age of 10 and I didn't wear revealing clothes at that time. (And I still don't wear revealing clothes right now) I wanted to defend myself, but I said nothing after that because I was still afraid to let everyone know that I was a victim of it. (I was a second grader in high school)
This example is an example that really happened to me in the past. It's an example that talks about someone who had hurt me unintentionally. He said this without knowing that I was a victim, too.
Tuesday 3 November 2015
Building Up Your Self Confidence
We, the humans, are most likely going to be afraid to make mistakes most of the time. But the most succesful and confident people are the ones who aren't afraid to make mistakes.
We can be succesful in different domains such as: love, career, school, friendship, ... etc. But we won't grow if we're afraid to make mistakes.
I've met many succesful people on the internet. They all began from scratch and they've failed many times in life, but they didn't gave up (on their dream). They were passionate at what they've done even when they ran against different walls/obstacles.
I'm following many Youtubers (entrepreneurs) right now. Everyone is remarkable. They are all putting their effort in their work even when they get hate comments. (they also get many compliments from their followers, indeed) ( ^_^ )
And I, on the other hand, have not experienced everything in life. And I'm not obliged to experience everything (and so are you), but I'm willing to help you to get back on the right track with what I have experienced until now.
Just don't be afraid to make mistakes in life and jump into the unknown. Nobody's perfect. ;-)
Building up your selfconfidence is a muscle that you have to exercise and nourish it everyday...
We can be succesful in different domains such as: love, career, school, friendship, ... etc. But we won't grow if we're afraid to make mistakes.
I've met many succesful people on the internet. They all began from scratch and they've failed many times in life, but they didn't gave up (on their dream). They were passionate at what they've done even when they ran against different walls/obstacles.
I'm following many Youtubers (entrepreneurs) right now. Everyone is remarkable. They are all putting their effort in their work even when they get hate comments. (they also get many compliments from their followers, indeed) ( ^_^ )
And I, on the other hand, have not experienced everything in life. And I'm not obliged to experience everything (and so are you), but I'm willing to help you to get back on the right track with what I have experienced until now.
Just don't be afraid to make mistakes in life and jump into the unknown. Nobody's perfect. ;-)
Building up your selfconfidence is a muscle that you have to exercise and nourish it everyday...
I have a dream.
I chase it.
I fall.
I learn.
I get better.
I keep marching on.
And so it goes.
- Brendon Burchard
Monday 2 November 2015
Life Mission
Like everyone knows, life is not always kind to everyone. We get hurt, we fail, we begin to distrust, we get scared, we "fall"... etc. But the most important thing of all this, are: Stand up , learn from it and keep moving forward.
Everyone has different experiences in their life: poverty, discrimination, racism, divorce, the death of a loved one, violence, robbery, raping/sexual assaults, break ups, burn-out, bore-out, ... etc. Those are all kinds of experiences that everyone meets/have met in their lives.
We "break" because we got (involved) in those situations. We didn't/don't know what to do when we got/get in those situations. But the most important questions that you have to ask yourself are:
- What have I learned from those experiences?
- How can I make my life better?
- Do I want to become a stronger/better person?
- What do I want (in life)?
- How can I make my life better?
- Do I want to become a stronger/better person?
- What do I want (in life)?
For the past few days, weeks, months and years; I've thought about my life mission, my purpose to stay alive after all those experiences. I got distracted, lost, scared and frustrated along the way to find my life mission. But I got stronger and wiser during the whole journey. I've also met different kinds of people along the way. Every person that you've met plays an important role in your life. They make a part of your life, but some of them may leave you behind and the other ones are going to stay with you forever. What you've also experienced becomes also a part of your life.
Embrace your life, respect other people and keep living to make your dreams come true. ( ^_^ )
Sunday 25 October 2015
Changing Course
Since my college year has started, I've begun to doubt about the choice of my course. I've begun to think whether I've made the right choice for my future... In other words, I have a feeling that I've chosen the wrong education/course. I've realized that the education/course doesn't match with my interests, my ideologies and my feelings. (I'm a Feeling type)
I'm studying Biomedical Laboratory Technology right now. The lessons are quite interesting, but it's not what I'm looking for...
When I thought about it, I've realized that I love to organize and to lead a small team. I like to make other people happy and I also want to know more about them, even though I'm an introvert. Communicating will be a challenge for me because my communicating skills aren't very developed (especially my speaking skills). But I'm willing to turn my working points into my qualities. ( ^_^ )
Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the counselor of the course that I'm currently interested in. (Office Management)
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Everyone of us is going through a journey... Each journey is different and unique. The way you look at things reflects your inner self. Whether you're hurt, unsuccesful or lost... Don't give up and try to look things from another angle. (It's all about changing your mindset)
Good Luck! :-)
Saturday 12 September 2015
Hope
The fact that I'm still running this blog is because I really enjoy making people happy. Even though, some of them might not be happy and I don't really know about that. I'm happy enough if I can make one person happy everyday. I like to inspire people and give them enough strength to move forward in their life.
I also like the word "Nankurunaisa" (Nang-ku-ru-na-i-sa). It means "Everything in the end will be fine" in Japanese. This magic word comes from an anime: Blood+.
Whatever happened in the past, don't run from it. Try to talk about it as much as possible if something bothers you. Suppressing your feelings and thoughts is bad for your health. Not only psychologically, but also physically.
Please live for today and for tomorrow. And become a better person than the person you were yesterday. Live your life to the fullest. When there's life, there's still hope. And grasp that hope when you see it. ;-)
◊◊◊ Good Luck! Xxx ◊◊◊
Tuesday 8 September 2015
New Encounters
After being anxious and nervous for a few days... I've finally met some people and two of them became my friends. The first person I've met was on a rainy day, at a bus stop. We began to have a conversation because we took the same bus. We were nervous and cautious at first, but we began to open up to each other after that. I felt really happy, even if it was a little progress.
Then, I've met the second person (also at a bus stop). I was on my way to the campus and there was a little accident with the bus. And I had to take another bus as a result.
Later, I got the feeling that someone was staring at me and when I turned around, I saw a girl (around my age) staring at me. We both had short eye-contact with each other and I ignored her after that. We also took the same bus, but it was too crowded. Short after that, I've heard someone saying that there was another bus behind us and it had more space. The girl and I got off of the bus at the next stop in order to take the bus behind us. And we began to have a conversation in the second bus. We stayed with each other at the campus, reviewing some lessons together, talked and laughed a lot until it was time to go home.
Message dedicated to those two:
I felt really happy when we've just met each other. But I was really afraid at the same time wondering what kind of person you were and how I had to deal with you when the situation got bad. After trying to know you better, I've understood that I didn't have to be afraid of you. To me, you two are both amazing ladies. You're sweet in your own way and that's what I like the most about both of you.
Monday 31 August 2015
Happiness & New Stage of Life
To be honest with you, I'm still not really satisfied with my current life. I'm happy right now, but I'm seeking for something more... Larger... With a signification/meaning to it...
To me, your happiness is also my happiness... A life with a meaning to it - is a life full of happiness with big achievements. A life where you get the support of your loved ones.
When you want to make other people happy; you, yourself have to be happy first. (That's what I've learned from a Japanese Animation; a.k.a. Anime)
In this next paragraph I'm going to talk about my "New Stage of Life". If you read one of my previous chapters (Graduating), I've graduated from high school. And starting 18/09, I'm going to attend college. But I'm going to review some lessons tomorrow. I'm not going to be really motivated when I'm going to lessons without my friends. ( ^_^') Being alone in an unknown place full of people makes me anxious and a little bit hostile. Well, I'm going to see how it goes tomorrow... ( - 3-')
To me, your happiness is also my happiness... A life with a meaning to it - is a life full of happiness with big achievements. A life where you get the support of your loved ones.
When you want to make other people happy; you, yourself have to be happy first. (That's what I've learned from a Japanese Animation; a.k.a. Anime)
In this next paragraph I'm going to talk about my "New Stage of Life". If you read one of my previous chapters (Graduating), I've graduated from high school. And starting 18/09, I'm going to attend college. But I'm going to review some lessons tomorrow. I'm not going to be really motivated when I'm going to lessons without my friends. ( ^_^') Being alone in an unknown place full of people makes me anxious and a little bit hostile. Well, I'm going to see how it goes tomorrow... ( - 3-')
Friday 28 August 2015
The Struggle Within Me
I've become a more positive - thinking person lately and I wish that I could keep up on thinking like that... But it's taking a big toll on me because I'm starting to hesitate if my current friends are still my friends... I feel left out, but I also don't want to blame them because of my selfish feelings.
My past isn't rose-colored and I've also experienced many things that could have made me happy, sad, frustrated, ... But In this chapter I'm going to confess another thing about my past. Something that many people have or everyone has experienced...
<<The Betrayal of A Friend or Friends>>
I've got betrayed many times in the past when I was still in elementary school... I've always thought that those "friends" were my friends. I took care of them and I always did my best to make them happy. But I was always fooling myself even after we graduated from school. Everyone got separated and left me behind. And I've come to my senses after one or two years that I was never happy when I was with them.
By the time when I was in middle school and highschool, I've met other people who shared the same interests as me and we became friends after that... They really made me happy and I still love them.
I'm usually a person who doesn't really like to get attention from the others, but when I need it at that time... They aren't there for me or that's what I thought... My selfish feelings are making me sad and I begin to blame my friends because of that. (I don't want that and I'm really sorry! TT^TT)
But there are times when I want to go very far away where there's no people around and jump off of a cliff to forget everything... (I still have these kind of thoughts, but I won't plan on making an attempt anymore)
I just want you to know that you have to move forward no matter what happens to you. There are many ups and downs in our life... Every time you fall, you have to stand up again and move forward. The moment when you stand up again and move forward towards the goal; is the moment when you become stronger. ;-)
We have to do our best! ^_^
I just want you to know that you have to move forward no matter what happens to you. There are many ups and downs in our life... Every time you fall, you have to stand up again and move forward. The moment when you stand up again and move forward towards the goal; is the moment when you become stronger. ;-)
We have to do our best! ^_^
Wednesday 12 August 2015
My Inner Changes
This time, I'm going to talk about my inner changes after I've started to visit my counselor. She's a very nice and fun person to talk to. I was very nervous at our first meeting. I didn't really smile and I was really shy in front of my counselor. My (little) sister was also present at that time. (24 April 2014)
I've just visited my counselor today with my sister (my sister went for the second time after more than a year and it was unexpected for my counselor) and we talked about my changes during this whole year. My counselor asked my sister if she did notice the changes around me. My sister did notice the changes and summed them up. She said that I laughed more than before and that I've became more spontaneous in front of people. I even dare to say what I think or feel a bit more than before, but I'm still not very social and outgoing as my sister. Even though we're very different from each other, we are very close to each other. We can learn things from each other, like for example: I'm more sensitive to someone's emotion than my sister. I can read someone's emotion even if they try to hide it while my sister is unable to feel or read someone's emotion. On the other hand, my sister has a wider social circle than I have. According to her, the key to be able to expand your social circle is to have 'small talk' with different kinds of people. And when you have more connections with those people, you have more options to chose people whom you can trust and having serious conversations with. And then you have people to hang out with, but you don't have serious conversations with those people.
I felt really happy after this meeting because I could hear my changes from someone else. This meeting gave me more insight on myself. ( ^_^ )
What I've also noticed recently was that I began to speak more to myself. (inner dialogues)
People asked me sometimes what I was talking about when they were standing next to me. They always thought that I was talking to them. I often speak to myself about my own emotions unconsciously. I don't know why, but it made me less frustrated.
I've just visited my counselor today with my sister (my sister went for the second time after more than a year and it was unexpected for my counselor) and we talked about my changes during this whole year. My counselor asked my sister if she did notice the changes around me. My sister did notice the changes and summed them up. She said that I laughed more than before and that I've became more spontaneous in front of people. I even dare to say what I think or feel a bit more than before, but I'm still not very social and outgoing as my sister. Even though we're very different from each other, we are very close to each other. We can learn things from each other, like for example: I'm more sensitive to someone's emotion than my sister. I can read someone's emotion even if they try to hide it while my sister is unable to feel or read someone's emotion. On the other hand, my sister has a wider social circle than I have. According to her, the key to be able to expand your social circle is to have 'small talk' with different kinds of people. And when you have more connections with those people, you have more options to chose people whom you can trust and having serious conversations with. And then you have people to hang out with, but you don't have serious conversations with those people.
I felt really happy after this meeting because I could hear my changes from someone else. This meeting gave me more insight on myself. ( ^_^ )
What I've also noticed recently was that I began to speak more to myself. (inner dialogues)
People asked me sometimes what I was talking about when they were standing next to me. They always thought that I was talking to them. I often speak to myself about my own emotions unconsciously. I don't know why, but it made me less frustrated.
Monday 20 July 2015
Regret & Apologies
When I look back at myself in the past, I've realised that I've hurt many people without realising it. (especially the boys who wanted to get to know me better)
I've always acted aggressive or hostile towards them, I killed their mood when they've tried to laugh with me by hitting them several times and shouting at them when they asked me something... And they began to hate me at the end...
Regretting for what I've done to them after all these years and after when I began to trust some boys... What I want to do right now is to apologize to them, even if they can't or don't read this.
"I'm sorry for what I've done to you in the past... My sincerest apologies... I've now realised my mistakes and I'm ashamed of it right now..."
I've always acted aggressive or hostile towards them, I killed their mood when they've tried to laugh with me by hitting them several times and shouting at them when they asked me something... And they began to hate me at the end...
Regretting for what I've done to them after all these years and after when I began to trust some boys... What I want to do right now is to apologize to them, even if they can't or don't read this.
"I'm sorry for what I've done to you in the past... My sincerest apologies... I've now realised my mistakes and I'm ashamed of it right now..."
Saturday 4 July 2015
Anxiety & Distrust
I was a very anxious person in the past. I didn't dare to speak up my mind and I was even very cautious about my own actions (just to avoid any rejections or critisism). I was a very distrustful person... I didn't trust anyone except for those I have acknowledged as a very close friend.
I was a very aloof person and I didn't participate in group conversations because I didn't know what to say or I was just too afraid to get people's attention... I get really uncomfortable when people are looking at me. But now, I'm a little bit different (I've gotten tired of being too afraid because I don't even know what other people are thinking about me). I dare to speak up my mind this year thanks to some people who gave me advice and their support. People will know what you're thinking or feeling when you show or say it yourself. ;-) When you open up to some people, they will do it also to you.
When you begin to open up to someone, it means that you begin to trust that person.
Something very important to know is that no matter what you do, say or how you look like... Many people are going to judge you. Everyone gets judged... Ignoring those people is difficult, but you won't be happy if you pay too much attention to it. Just do things that you enjoy (if it's not against the law ^^'). You still have people who accept you the way you are.
Lots of love, hugs, kisses and GOOD LUCK! ◊◊(^_^)◊◊
I was a very aloof person and I didn't participate in group conversations because I didn't know what to say or I was just too afraid to get people's attention... I get really uncomfortable when people are looking at me. But now, I'm a little bit different (I've gotten tired of being too afraid because I don't even know what other people are thinking about me). I dare to speak up my mind this year thanks to some people who gave me advice and their support. People will know what you're thinking or feeling when you show or say it yourself. ;-) When you open up to some people, they will do it also to you.
When you begin to open up to someone, it means that you begin to trust that person.
Something very important to know is that no matter what you do, say or how you look like... Many people are going to judge you. Everyone gets judged... Ignoring those people is difficult, but you won't be happy if you pay too much attention to it. Just do things that you enjoy (if it's not against the law ^^'). You still have people who accept you the way you are.
Lots of love, hugs, kisses and GOOD LUCK! ◊◊(^_^)◊◊
Friday 26 June 2015
Graduation
My efforts have finally paid off after working hard for 4 years at school. And today, I'm going to spend my last moments with the school...
Before I'm going to graduate, I would like to thank all the people who have supported me during my hardships... I would like to thank these people:
- My intelligent little brother and sister
- Mr. & Mrs. Lamonte
- Mrs. I. & E. Trogh
- Mrs. Pannier
- My friends and classmates
- Mrs. Lieve Beck
- Mrs. Van Praet Els
- All the other teachers at my school
- My beautiful mother
- Liselot W.
- Kate G.
- Mrs. Ineke De Vylder
- Mr. Peter Hellemond
- My family
I'm really grateful to all of you. Without you, I wouldn't have become the person I am today...
Thursday 25 June 2015
Shame
I was really ashamed about what happened to myself, 8 years ago... I even felt guilty because I didn't share my story earlier...
But today, I don't feel any shame or guilt anymore because of the support that I got from the people around me.
What happened in the past, has already happened and you can't change it anymore... What you can still change are your present and your future. The things that you've experienced are a part of your life. I don't want you to forget what you have experienced, but to learn from it and go forward. Whatever you've experienced... Just keep your head high, smile, learn from the experience(s) and move forward. Create for yourself moments where you can really be yourself and cherish those moments...
Our life is like a story... And it ends when we die. There are times when you can control it and there are times when you can't. Like what happened to you, them or me... When you've lost control, just take the control over the story back and write your own story. Just do it on your own pace and don't try to rush. Everyone has their own pace of taking back their control of life. After that obstacle, you will face more obstacles in your life... You have to face each obstacle that you've encountered. Just view those obstacles as stops, stations or missions that you have to complete. You have to do your best at each stop. And I hope you won't regret if you have failed at one of those stops. Just take your baggages of knowledge that you have gained to the next stop and use your knowledge to complete your next mission.
But today, I don't feel any shame or guilt anymore because of the support that I got from the people around me.
What happened in the past, has already happened and you can't change it anymore... What you can still change are your present and your future. The things that you've experienced are a part of your life. I don't want you to forget what you have experienced, but to learn from it and go forward. Whatever you've experienced... Just keep your head high, smile, learn from the experience(s) and move forward. Create for yourself moments where you can really be yourself and cherish those moments...
Our life is like a story... And it ends when we die. There are times when you can control it and there are times when you can't. Like what happened to you, them or me... When you've lost control, just take the control over the story back and write your own story. Just do it on your own pace and don't try to rush. Everyone has their own pace of taking back their control of life. After that obstacle, you will face more obstacles in your life... You have to face each obstacle that you've encountered. Just view those obstacles as stops, stations or missions that you have to complete. You have to do your best at each stop. And I hope you won't regret if you have failed at one of those stops. Just take your baggages of knowledge that you have gained to the next stop and use your knowledge to complete your next mission.
"Some people aim for the top of a mountain, but you have to enjoy the scenery, too." - Kiyoshi Teppei
Tuesday 23 June 2015
Steps of Wisdom
In this chapter, I'm going to talk about the progress of my self-confidence during this whole school year. But I have to talk a little bit about some things that took place in the past... ^^'
I began to follow music lessons (singing and music theory, and later violin) after school 3 years ago. I followed music lessons just for my own amusement and I've never thought about giving a concert either. (Because I didn't know that it was also on the program)
I got scared when my singing coach announced to me that I have to participate in concerts and exams for the first time. If I could remember it clearly, the concert that I gave for the first time wasn't very bad at all. (I've made some mistakes) But I was a very self-conscious person. I was a real perfectionist at that time and I was too afraid to make mistakes... I was a person who would panic right away after making some little mistakes... But after 2 years of practicing myself to change my mindset, I've become less afraid to make mistakes.
I've viewed each mistake as something very negative in the past, but now... I've become more spontaneous and carefree when making mistakes. I just view those mistakes as my working points...
I just took my time to take certain steps in order to get to my goal. (= building up my self-confidence)
And I hesitated a lot before taking decisions...
This is a list of the progresses that I've made this year:
- Singing for my school, but hiding behind a pillar :-P
- Sharing my story with the boys of my class (there are only 2 boys)
- Sharing my story with other people (everyone of my class, some teachers and friends)
- Sharing this blog
- Participating at the public singing examination
- Laughing together with other people (I rarely smiled in front of people)
- Being more talkative and participating in some group activities
- Taking the lead in a teamwork for a certain project
- Showing my emotions and thoughts
- Trusting some boys and men
- Accepting rejections and critisism from other people
- ...
No matter how big or small your steps are... Each step that you have made is a progress and you have to be proud of it! ;-)
Each step that you've made (by falling and standing up again) is a step towards new possibilities. Just by moving forward; no matter how big or small they are, you will gain more knowledge, strength and wisdom.Most of the power to move forward comes from you. You have to take the initiative to change yourself when you aren't satisfied with the way you are right now... Another factor to help you to move forward is the support from the people who care about you. Just don't forget that you're never alone and if you need help... Just ask for it ;-)
My Story
My story began 8 years ago...
I was still 10 years old and I was very innocent and clueless... In short, I was still a child. But it changed when an acquaintance stayed over for a period of time. He was 67 years old at that time and everyone trusted him. He bought us food, he played with us until he began to touch me. I felt really uncomfortable, but I didn't know what he was doing. All I knew was that he was doing bad things and I didn't dare to tell that to my parents. I have a little brother and sister and I was the only one who got assaulted.
After being touched for so many days... One night, he attacked me when I was sleeping. I was right beside my little sister who was sleeping, but I couldn't make any sound or I was unable to make any sound. I was even unable to scream for help. I fought against him, but I failed. I thought I could protect my little sister if I didn't make any sound so that he can leave her alone. After being assaulted, he left the room and slept in his room. I couldn't sleep that night and the first thing I did in the next morning was: getting a shower to get rid of the smell and the dirt off of my body and after that I acted normal like nothing happened. But deep inside of me, I was really afraid to be alone or even being in the same room as him with my parents and my brother and sister.
After the day I've been assaulted, he disappeared. (I don't even know if he's still living or not, but that's not the issue right now.)
I've been living in fear for years... I didn't trust any men and boys (I've been also bullied by boys during my childhood). I've always acted hostile towards them. Then I got into middle school and it was during that time that I've realised what happened to me and what I've lost as a child. Short after that I've gotten into a depression... I wasn't a drug- nor an alcoholaddict because I was against it. (and I'm still against it) I was really suicidal and nobody knew it. But I failed at each attempt to kill myself because I thought about my family and friends and those who really care about me. I couldn't just leave them... I was imagining what it would be like if I died without them knowing why I've commited suicide. I just thought it was unfair to them, I just didn't want to hurt them... And I've been thinking about it for years...
Last year, I decided to take my first step to tell my story to someone and that very first person was my sister who's 3 years younger than me. I was very afraid to tell my story to my sister for the first time because I was afraid of her reaction. At first she didn't know what I was talking about until I've said it explicitly. She was shocked after that, but didn't get angry with me. She was speechless because she didn't know what to say. But she did comfort me and I felt better after that. I even felt more relieved after telling my story. The next person who also knew my story was my brother who's almost 1 year younger than me. (we were born in the same year) He was the first boy who knew about it. My little brother is quite mature for his age and tried to cheer me up by making a joke about it. I felt really blessed that I have such a brother and sister, but I still quarrel frequently with my brother because of some misunderstandings. We're both awkward people and we're easily misunderstood by other people. *chuckle*
Then one day, my school was organizing an event about sexuality and sex education. I felt really uncomfortable and I broke down on that very day. They didn't know what happened to me and they sent me to the secretary. I told her my story by writing it because I was unable to speak at that time. After that, she sent me to the guidance counselor. Then she made an appointment with a female psychologist. I was unsure at first, but I just gave it a try.
On 20 January (Friday), my mother suddenly asked me if I've had any problems. My little sister was also present at that moment. After that question my sister and I looked at each other and she asked me if she could tell it to her in my place. I thought for a moment and I decided to tell it myself. My mother cried after hearing my story and I felt also really bad. We both cried and she let me stay at home because I couldn't go to school in that state. She called my school to get the permission to stay at home.
The next person who knew my story was one of my friends. I didn't know why I told her, but I knew that I could trust her. And my journey to get out of the darkness began... I guess even before that.^^'
And if I look at myself right now, I came to realise that I've told my story to a lot of people. Many friends, teachers and family members and some classmates know my story. And some of them also know other people who have had the same experience...
I gain what I gave to them. And those things that I've gained are the strength and trust in other people...
I was still 10 years old and I was very innocent and clueless... In short, I was still a child. But it changed when an acquaintance stayed over for a period of time. He was 67 years old at that time and everyone trusted him. He bought us food, he played with us until he began to touch me. I felt really uncomfortable, but I didn't know what he was doing. All I knew was that he was doing bad things and I didn't dare to tell that to my parents. I have a little brother and sister and I was the only one who got assaulted.
After being touched for so many days... One night, he attacked me when I was sleeping. I was right beside my little sister who was sleeping, but I couldn't make any sound or I was unable to make any sound. I was even unable to scream for help. I fought against him, but I failed. I thought I could protect my little sister if I didn't make any sound so that he can leave her alone. After being assaulted, he left the room and slept in his room. I couldn't sleep that night and the first thing I did in the next morning was: getting a shower to get rid of the smell and the dirt off of my body and after that I acted normal like nothing happened. But deep inside of me, I was really afraid to be alone or even being in the same room as him with my parents and my brother and sister.
After the day I've been assaulted, he disappeared. (I don't even know if he's still living or not, but that's not the issue right now.)
I've been living in fear for years... I didn't trust any men and boys (I've been also bullied by boys during my childhood). I've always acted hostile towards them. Then I got into middle school and it was during that time that I've realised what happened to me and what I've lost as a child. Short after that I've gotten into a depression... I wasn't a drug- nor an alcoholaddict because I was against it. (and I'm still against it) I was really suicidal and nobody knew it. But I failed at each attempt to kill myself because I thought about my family and friends and those who really care about me. I couldn't just leave them... I was imagining what it would be like if I died without them knowing why I've commited suicide. I just thought it was unfair to them, I just didn't want to hurt them... And I've been thinking about it for years...
Last year, I decided to take my first step to tell my story to someone and that very first person was my sister who's 3 years younger than me. I was very afraid to tell my story to my sister for the first time because I was afraid of her reaction. At first she didn't know what I was talking about until I've said it explicitly. She was shocked after that, but didn't get angry with me. She was speechless because she didn't know what to say. But she did comfort me and I felt better after that. I even felt more relieved after telling my story. The next person who also knew my story was my brother who's almost 1 year younger than me. (we were born in the same year) He was the first boy who knew about it. My little brother is quite mature for his age and tried to cheer me up by making a joke about it. I felt really blessed that I have such a brother and sister, but I still quarrel frequently with my brother because of some misunderstandings. We're both awkward people and we're easily misunderstood by other people. *chuckle*
Then one day, my school was organizing an event about sexuality and sex education. I felt really uncomfortable and I broke down on that very day. They didn't know what happened to me and they sent me to the secretary. I told her my story by writing it because I was unable to speak at that time. After that, she sent me to the guidance counselor. Then she made an appointment with a female psychologist. I was unsure at first, but I just gave it a try.
On 20 January (Friday), my mother suddenly asked me if I've had any problems. My little sister was also present at that moment. After that question my sister and I looked at each other and she asked me if she could tell it to her in my place. I thought for a moment and I decided to tell it myself. My mother cried after hearing my story and I felt also really bad. We both cried and she let me stay at home because I couldn't go to school in that state. She called my school to get the permission to stay at home.
The next person who knew my story was one of my friends. I didn't know why I told her, but I knew that I could trust her. And my journey to get out of the darkness began... I guess even before that.^^'
And if I look at myself right now, I came to realise that I've told my story to a lot of people. Many friends, teachers and family members and some classmates know my story. And some of them also know other people who have had the same experience...
I gain what I gave to them. And those things that I've gained are the strength and trust in other people...
Introduction
Hi there! My dear companion.
Before I begin to tell you my story, I would like to introduce myself.
My name's Song and I'm 18 years old right now. The biggest reason why I've made this blog is because I've recently realised that I was not the only one with this problem. And I want to help other victims who have also been assaulted by posting some encouraging messages on this blog. (But I'll not be able to do it frequently because of my busy schedule and therefore I'm going to do my best to help you out.)
I want to give them (you) my strength and the confidence to stand up again after being tripped. I want them (you) to move forward to the future and give that trauma a place in their (your) heart.
I'm not a psychologist, but I really want to help you to get out of the darkness with the little and the big things that I have experienced.(I'm still in the process of growth and self-development)
Please don't give up and I hope that this blog can help you until the end of our journey...
Sincerely Yours,
Song
Before I begin to tell you my story, I would like to introduce myself.
My name's Song and I'm 18 years old right now. The biggest reason why I've made this blog is because I've recently realised that I was not the only one with this problem. And I want to help other victims who have also been assaulted by posting some encouraging messages on this blog. (But I'll not be able to do it frequently because of my busy schedule and therefore I'm going to do my best to help you out.)
I want to give them (you) my strength and the confidence to stand up again after being tripped. I want them (you) to move forward to the future and give that trauma a place in their (your) heart.
I'm not a psychologist, but I really want to help you to get out of the darkness with the little and the big things that I have experienced.(I'm still in the process of growth and self-development)
Please don't give up and I hope that this blog can help you until the end of our journey...
Sincerely Yours,
Song
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